"I won't" He said.

I was lucky/unfortunate enough to hear part of this conversation in starbucks when I went to get my usual, always-burnt, grande drip coffee. She clearly was not understanding this poor fellow. I extrapolated for the middle, but I caught the first and last, and some random words in the middle. I can't believe i wrote about these poor people. I'm such a creep.

------

“You have no idea why I exaggerate!” he said with a smolder. He was on a small breaking point. But maybe it was too early to break. It probably was.

“It was, like, two weeks! Calm down.” she punched back specifically.

Too late, it was too early for this, but it was breaking quickly. “You liked me! you never goddamn said it, but you sure as hell acted like you did. For a year you acted like it! So I went off of that. Can you blame me? And now, now, you want to know what I’m thinking now?”

She didn’t. Her eyes were big. (this is where I began to order. So here we go!)

“Well, your goddamn ignorance lies in how goddamn selfish you are. And the worst part is, I know you aren’t! I know you aren’t. I hear how you talk to your dad. Or your friends. You’re there for them. And it is everything that I admire about you that I can’t goddamn stand. Your raging ambition presses you towards independence. And what your intelligence seems to miss is that you can have someone that simply listens and goddamn cares. You either can’t comprehend or just refuse to see that maybe, maybe I can be there for you with no responsibility or obligation. Its not so goddamn hard to tell someone how you are doing. To just open that goddamn heart that I have been waiting so long for. I’m asking you do it simply. Not complicated. Not vomiting. Not committing. But for a few minutes think that maybe I do fit into your plan. I can support it. I can even make it better. Imagine that? Making it better. You can go off and do what ever and you can just goddamn be there with me. I’ve got my own stuff, but I think about you. And...I just...I think this is where we differ. I feel like you have something so inhumanly incapable of committing to me because of your preconceived notions. I won’t stay. I won’t. I’m good. And you’ll miss me. You’ll miss me because I was patient and I actually did care. I held you in a way that had purpose and meaning and I let you know how much I cared through a hug. A simple goddamn hug. I was always careful and held you as something precious. Even though you didn't and still don't think you deserve it. But I did. It was unexplainable, but I did and do care for you. It was only your own goddamn shame that kept you from seeing it. I am all these things that you admired but couldn't find the goddamn courage to get past your stupid feelings and say it! You couldn’t”

There was a pause. (I walked by to leave. At a slow pace. And I got the last line)

“I won’t stay. Because I’ve tried, like you asked me to, and it still didn’t work, which is your fault. I want to stay, but you aren’t letting me.”

(I walked out)

The bell on the door jingled. It shook her from her confounded thoughts. She felt empty. She had underestimated him.

He kept sitting there. And I wasn't sure why. Maybe he lied. Or maybe he needed to say it and threaten her. I'm not sure. I walked out.

"Remember that?" She said

its jumbled. grammar isn't my strong suit. sometimes i picture my brother and sister like this...kind of. sis, you may be more ridiculous and j you may actually say something different.   

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When she started she had such expectancy and joy!, “Do you remember the time we jumped on the trampoline so much the lemonade in our belly’s jostled and made us sick, and we could only collapse in grumbled laughter, and hold each other as the springs still gave way to out bodies? Remember that?”

He was across the table from her. He was very quiet. He certainly did not make eye contact. He kept his gaze down at the work in front of him. The corner of her mouth turned up with a laid back ease, still enjoying the memory.

“Remember the first time we walked around my neighborhood to look at Christmas lights? You brought me hot chocolate and a pack of candy canes because you knew I liked the taste of real peppermint better than the packaged stuff. You even found those ridiculous little marshmallows. Which you ate a lot more of. Throwing them up in the air, trying to impress me with how many you could catch in your mouth”

Still the top of his head was all she saw. These were beautiful moments in her life, lasting memories. And he penciled away. She cocked her head a little to the left and her smile became tense in the corners.

“I remember when you tried to write me that song on the piano. You were so bad,” She watched for a reaction “You plunked and laughed your way through it. Wildly throwing your hands in the air and then back down, your head cocked back for emphasis, banging out the chords. All of it to make me laugh because the notion that you would write me a real song might have been too much so soon. So you made references to our first dates and my trend of being fashionably late and how terrible I am at talking on the phone. Then you would throw in a line or two about my smile really being your favorite part because it implied so much. Or how much better I made you or something like that. You were such a dork then. Still are” She even tried a little shove here. Nothing.

Her intent was now aggressive, “Remember when you spilled your stupid coffee all over my mom the first time you met her. I don’t know why you were still holding it. But I know you couldn't blame it on nerves. They were always going to love you because I—” here she trailed off, “—so I know you weren’t nervous”

The man of course remained silent.

“Remember the argument you started last night? Remember how you were wrong and over thinking everything? Remember how awkward you felt because I didn't know what to say and I sat there waiting for you to make the realization finally. Remember how you are always the second one to know what’s going on and how I feel about you?”

She finally stopped. Now it was his turn. His head came up and his smile implied he had been holding something in and it was that last comment that truly got him. He sighed and looked at her holding her breath. He knew exactly how he felt about her.

“...Now you know how it feels” His smile was full. And wry. And playful. He had got her. Finally. Her mouth dropped open just a bit. She gasped inwards, bit her lower lip and slapped his arm with a scrunched nose and embarrassed cheeks. Her face was warm and she knew how she felt too.