Side by Side

to my beloved brother who has changed me outwardly a hundred times and taught me a million unspkoen lessonss. To you, i say thanks.

second and lastly born
doomed to willingly follow in shadows
honored to stomp in footprints
because i know the trail is heading towards breathtaking
we walked side by side
for 16 years your legs were longer
i was never meant to keep up, but i tried
i ran full sprint next to your strolling stride
soon you veered right
i stumbled left
but we still walked parallel
close enough to talk in fact
this is the path of brothers
most paths cross
some fork
others look like figure 8’s
ours is boring
we are unpredictably certain
you are always there when my eye misses the rock, but my foot meets it
you have two arms to rescue this faller
and yet, more valued than the safety net
your secure hand grasping these gritty, brown palms
careful of the fresh scrapes
and sometimes you go further than expected
you cry for my wounds
gather the tears in your bowl shaped hands and wash these cuts
sometimes it stings

and we can’t drink your tears, because we don’t like the bitterness
so we’ve always packed provisions
your bag stuffed with courage for two
i shared sandwiches and humor
we were always prepared but never boy scouts, just cubbies.
during the rough nights, when the cold, divorced air clung to our lungs
and we couldn’t seem to get the pain out of our hands
we made a fire that melted it all to our backside
and we opened up and warmed the inside
our conversations were sometimes staring up,
dreaming of stars the arizona skyline smothered with purple hands,
but we’d reflect on the sunsets
orange and pink whispering hope for tomorrow
those nights we pitched tents
played cards by firefly light or the glow of a Suns game
brother, we needed that tent.
we deserved that tent
God gave us that tent to protect us from the violence outside

and now 3,000 mile apart we walk shoulder to shoulder, still talking
sometimes less often, but you’re still right there
i feel you when i pray, watch a baseball game or give advice
and we will continue because experience has carved out this path
etched out side by side futures in life-like dirt

so may we walk side by side today, brother

Dear Sun,

Its definately not finished, but its there.

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dear Sun, do you need more light?

Lately you seem three shades darker than I remember
Dear Sun.
Sun, I’ll give you my strength
If you’d like to use this recycled blood
call me
send me your address
and I’ll ship you some light
Its time someone helps you
let me know what I can do
Turn off your fire
Close the shades
Trying being cold
Take some alone time
Travel a bit
Spin to the furthest corner of this galaxy
where only lost stars go to find themselves
Sun, don't worry about the rest of us
I'm used to being the center of the universe anyway
I will reach into my stomach and take out
What is most powerful
I'll place it on one finger and spin it
And this little light of mine will divinely rule for you
You set me on fire once.
I display the scars cowardly.
You torched each rib with a lighter and hairspray
Sk-inflamed
My vessels were orange
I glowed
did glow
needed to glow
please, Sun,
let me break dawn in half
and I will set evening perfectly in place each night
Your heart looks different than mine
but they are of equal sizes

Dear sun, come to me
I want your orange vanilla cream-cicle to drip itself backwards
spit up on the clouds
They will be happy to accept the mess
Even display it with a buzzing neon light
glowing it for this private showing

Dear Sun, thank you for being constant

Date Me!

Loneliness is a beast
Purring broken glass into my ear; Spitting orphans behind my heart
And with this gargoyle perched in my room at 2 a.m.
I write this poem for you

If you are out there and you like what you read here
COME DATE ME!

Find a spot and wait for me
I’ll bring you flowers
A lone lily
To keep me from my lone-lily-ness
This is no silliness
My viens replaced blood with salt water
And it burns, my arms burn, my legs burn
My soul burns for you
Yearn for you
I have concern for you
It is in your best interest to date me!
I will take care of you
It’s what I was made to do
My father’s fists against my face
means silk fingers on your cheeks
Cruel words
means I, verbally dressing you in soft encouragement
the color of your eyes to make you look pretty
My brother never giving up on me
Means me never giving up on you
Darling, my heart shredded for you
Cut into little kid cut outs holding hands
And I’ll be great with kids!
I can father with a broken heart
With one hand to catch our child when disappointment scrapes his knee
The other firmly resting on the small of your back as we watch him grow up
Get out
And wrestle with his own monsters
Baby, sweet heart, darling
I’ll call you whatever you want
Sweetie, sweet cheeks, sweet pea, honey bee, pumpkin pie
My, my cherry blossom!
Anything you want. After all, I did write this poem for you
And you and you and you
And that’s the other thing
I won’t cheat on you. I’m a one woman man
You on the podium of my life
I’ll parade you around
Throw confetti, celebrate who you are
Makes band horns blast ballads to your name
Giant balloons of our kissing heads!
It won’t be in that “you’re on display for your boobs and ass and hair” kind of way
But in that “you’re on display for your laugh, your individuality and your honesty” kind of way
I will never objectify you
But I do like brown hair, c-cups and a good character
BUT that doesn’t matter; I’ll flatter you either way!
Anyway, DATE ME!
I know your question…
And yes, I am well endowed…
With kindness, thoughtfulness, the ability to listen
I have a huge… heart
Giant capacity for compassion
Good Lord, I am well endowed!
I’ll make you feel like your words matter
Your thoughts sentimentally valuable
Opinions precious pearls

So please…date me.
Because for me, this poem is cathartic
A way to get it out
Take the small child and put him in the yellow stage light
Shine some passion on him till he sweats
I’m always self-deprecating
Fabricating my faults to the size of skyscrapers.
Ya know, I wrote a love poem for that special one
just once
And one time it ended
So here is a blanketed one for you and you and you and especially you
Wrap this around your shoulders like an extra set of angel wings that you lost when you were born
And let it warm the thump-thump machine inside you
For I will sit on top of my building
holding hands with a gargoyle
Who is simply teaching me the anatomy of hearts
So when I come back down, I won’t need you to stand firm and affirm me
I will simply and wholly and unconditionally value you.