Welcome! Today is going to be a painful and interesting class, so let's dive right in! No pun intended...Well you see its a pun because you'll be plunging your hand into your own sternum in a matter of moments...No? Okaaaaaay!
So everyone stand over a tarp. This is to keep the blood from flowing all over and making a gross congealed mess. Good. Feet shoulder width apart. Deep breath in. Exhale....Good.
Step 1: Feel what is aching inside you.
Feel the itch.
Good. Think about it deeper.
Feel all that is pushing and pulling beneath the surface there
We are going to get at that tonight. Right now.
Feel the pain that emanates out that you can't get rid of
This pain is most often visualized or described as weight.
How much does your pain weigh? Clearly you can't lift it anymore because you're here.
Good. Feel it growing under your skin.
Now take your fingers, hold them together flat.
Some call this a knife hand. I think Karate or something.
Make them nice and strong and stiff.
Place them just to the left of the center of your chest.
Good.
Now scratch the first layer of skin back.
It stings. We know.
More is to come! Get excited people!
But this is hard too.
Dig.
Deeper. Scratch, scratch, scratch. Like a little mouse! Little little!
Nice.
Bring up one flap of that skin
Take it between your fingers and peel back.
Its a thin piece. So be careful not to break it.
And if you don't have a flap yet, take that nail, curve it down and try to slice.
And again, between the tips of your finger, that skin, and PULL!!
Not like a bandaid. Bad idea. Quick is bad here, people! Quick is bad.
Great, this is an open wound. Good Work.
Step 2: Now that you've done that, start burrowing a hole there.
You should feel the blood on your finger like the zest of a tangerine.
It might sting. A lot.
Keep going.
Keep scraping back. Scratch deeper.
There you go. Keep pushing your finger down, like a drill.
Circular, burrowing motions help. The muscle is easy tissue people. Rips like kleenex.
--Oh, we have a few falling behind...Or quitters. They are quitting. That's fine.
HEY DONT MIND THE PEOPLE LEAVING!
Just keep focused. They left because reaching into themselves is too hard.
It's not for everyone. Im proud of you. Keep going.
Step 3: Yes, this is just the third step!
About now you are going to come across something hard.
Like oak. Like an old branch.
This is your rib.
Don't be deceived, it no longer bares leaves.
So break it.
Reach one tiny finger behind it and begin to pull forward.
It will be strong at first, but as you pull harder its rough bark will snap off into small shingles. It will come off like loose pieces of dry wall falling from a hole.
Good.
Now two quick things:
1: Don't stop.
Keep pulling back.
Eventually it will snap
Underneath the frail pieces is the core.
This is stronger. Its fresh. Its the trunk of your bone.
The sap is underneath, so it is sticky and young.
This is the strength you didn't know you had.
This is what got you here. To this point. The strength in your bones.
Break it.
Go ahead.
2: Right now you're in a lot of pain.
Look at yourself--!!
--Or don't if you think you will pass out
But you should be in a lot of pain.
You've got your finger an inch deep in under your skin.
In your chest!!!!
You are leaking blood like a bad, old dam.
Your wrist has a literal stream coming down, staining your shirt.
Its like watching a ruptured juice box.
No! For God's sake don't pull your hand out!
Because if you do, you won't like what comes out.
So it's gonna hurt.
But you are following instructions well.
It hurts because you've punctured your self.
Im proud of you. You're going deeper into yourself than you ever had.
That is hard. Good job.
Step 4: That feeling of not breathing its gonna last a whole lot longer
Its like some one is stepping on your chest.
Smothering your diaphragm until it looks like a wasted, useless balloon.
Its gonna stay this way. Shriveled-like.
So lets keep going.
BY NOW you've definitely got to be about ready to break those suckers! YEAH!
So lets take a deep inhale; dig your fingers an inch deeper,
Wrap them better around those two or three ribs.
Get a good handful here.
Good. Inhale. Now on the exhale YANK as hard as you can.
Out and Upward.
Now upward gives it a better break and keeps it from the lungs.
AAAAAANNNND GO!
…
Okay. Okay. Good.
Now I see you've pulled your hand out and blood is literally pouring on the floor.
Sooo, I want you to quickly stick your hand back in there.
Quickly now.
Good.
And now you're no longer breathing really.
Your throat has closed itself. Because its pissed.
You've just broken your own ribs back. Your body is going to be mad.
We're gonna keep going.
Step 5: It looks like you're bleeding less. Which is good. We need to see this next part.
You're going to lift your sternum now. Yeah, that big bone in the middle.
Lift it like a car hood. Good. Also keep that flap of skin back.
Can you feel the air rushing in around inside you.
Your insides are actually feeling things now! EXCITING!
The air feels cool and crisp. Its swirling around your lungs.
Not in. But around it. Its nice, huh?
Now that, kid, that's breathing!
Step 6: Now reach in.
At this point you should be able to feel a small rhythmic tremor.
Yes.
That is your heart.
That is what your heart beat actually feels like.
Its probably sharper than you thought it would be. More abrupt even.
But it's really strong, isn't it? Yeah. That's it.
See, you're stronger than you thought.
Step 7: Now this next part stings.
You're probably tired of hearing me say that.
But push just a little deeper and find where the pulsing is coming from.
It shouldn't be too far.
Feel it?
Now feel how far the pulse goes.
What I mean is, find the distance the heart expands out after it contracts.
Good. Feel out where that is. Everyone's is different.
But find the width and stay just outside where the wall extends.
You might feel the Aorta bump up against the pads of your fingers.
It's like mini high-fives!
Step 8: Now once you have a feel for that, see if you can find the rhythm.
Find the contractions of your heart. Find its pace.
Now bring your hand, very lightly, very gently closer in around it.
Now pulse your hand with the pulse of your beating heart.
But be very careful, this is the thing that keeps you alive after all.
Feel that? Good.
Now it should feel like you are pumping your own heart.
You're sending blood out, streaming it through your arms and legs and lungs and brain.
Good.
You have your life in your hands now.
Step 9: Now listen closely.
I don't want you to pull it out or change it.
I know that is how the class was described, but listen to me and do as I say.
Don't move it. Don't adjust it. Don't play with it.
You are feeling its natural rhythm.
Just hold it.
Keep your hands clasped around it and feel that little monster move.
Hold it.
Its beautiful.
This is the thing that keeps you alive. What powers you everyday.
Do you feel how beautiful each slight movement is? The machinery of it?
The liveliness to it too though! Its like churning inside.
Do you feel how gorgeous the music it beats out as it drums inside you?
Do you feel the beauty of it? Do you hear it?
This is you. This is yours.
This is the beautiful muscle that is grinding away in the depths of you.
In the darkest places this little gem keeps going. Knowing its own worth beneath all this blood.
You've just now gotten to it.
It's pretty, isn't it?
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Thats you.--
Feel it again.
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Don't take it out. Don't change it. Don't do anything.
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Just hold it.
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Feel it move.
Know its rhythm.
Memorize it.
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And let it keep going.
