The boy hadn’t made a decision. He was standing over the bed with shaking hands. The man came into the door frame quietly. He put his right hand up on the frame and spoke lightly.
“You running? Because your bags look packed from here.”
There was no response from the boy.
“It’s alright if you go. No one expects you to stay around here. Not your family and especially not your friends. We all understand actually. We may not know it perfectly, but, kid, we understand. We want you to be safe. We want you to be okay with all that has happened and all the choices you have made”
The boy was quietly kneading wrinkles into the edges of a shirt in the suitcase with his fingers,
“You’re such an optimist. And eternal optimist and lately we’ve all noticed some of the sadness. You are down on yourself more. What happened? Is it something we did?”
The man knew it was not his actions this time. He spoke and came to realizations at the same time.
“Kid, we love and support any decision you make. It seems like its been a rough year or more for you and in a way none of us are really aware of, at least it seems. And God knows we definitely miss you. But you are not the same. We used to force you to grow up. And now you have taken it upon yourself, haven’t you? You grew up so fast and took on such change at lightning speed, huh? You now actually don’t know where the time went. We are so sorry. I know it’s no comfort, but we didn’t know what we were doing and you seem like you got a much smarter head on those shoulders. Something at least clicks a little better with you. Kid, we miss you and we know you could go, but I think I want to tell you to stay. Stay for a little while longer”
The boy’s face turned up in surprise. His eyes widened with sadness and question.
“Maybe you should stay. I know its dark where you are at and I know the insecurities are much brighter here, but it might a good place to just stay. You’re tired. Your eyes tell more than your soul now. They show us dark ovals of sleepless night due to homework, worry and daydreams. There is a flicker deep, deep beneath those grey circles. You’ve done this sort of facing the hard stuff very quietly for a long time. You didn’t victimize yourself, you just pushed it. And we see it’s beginning to crack, kid. We see. And now I am here to tell you that you are stronger than you know. You’re definitely stronger than us. And it is what we put you through that made you this way. Your pain gave you that tenacity, that edge that we loved and feared in you. And kid, we thank you for never giving up on us. We probably should have been screamed at and slapped around and we sure as hell would have deserved it. And kid, we thank you for staying there.
And this is the benefit of staying. It will get you closer to that man you want to become. I think you will get there if you stay. I’ve heard your dream of a man with patience and smart and genuine and a little goofy and loving and found success without compromising his compassion for others. A man of extreme influence and tells stories the right way. That man, I tell you, kid, that man is coming. But you cannot run away to him. He is being shaped here. We see it. I don’t know if you can, but we can. And right now before you is the choice to keep creating this man. Do not wait, kid. Do not choose next week or tomorrow to get better. You have to lay down the foundation for what you will become now.
I know you want to run, but stay please. Let your heart get broken one more time. Find the joy in your darkness without giving into it. Search around here and tire yourself out one last time. At least for a bit. You’ll be back up at the fight soon. But right now, stay, kid. Stay here and feel it all”
Finally the boy cried. He wasn’t sure why entirely, but he didn’t need the explanation. Not this time. He was growing up and going through it. He smiled and with jolted laughter he shook off some of the tears. He was an optimist and kept his heart bright even through all the uncontrollables and unknowns.
The Man wasn’t sure what to do now, so he left as quietly as he entered.
1 comment:
I am glad you hear The Man.
I spent each January morning sitting in a blue chair in the corner of our New York apartment. Each morning I screamed at God for my shitty job. Told him that it had nothing to do with who I was to become. I screamed. Cried. Went back to sleep to pretend it wasn't real. But it was real. I was experiencing a reality that I didn't like. But it was forming me into something better.
Keep listening. Press into it. Don't avoid it. Its forming you. Whatever, whoever, wherever it is. Its forming you.
And when the forming takes its toll on you, let us hold you....
...and buy your Giants tickets.
I love you.
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